Madea & Violet Grantham - Bothersome But Beloved

Tyler Perry’s “A Madea Homecoming” is the #1 film on Netflix this week and with good reason. It comes at a time when the world is desperate for laughter- not just a few chuckles or a cautious hollow smirk but full belly laughs that make you spit your soda and choke on your popcorn. Madea’s latest performance is wilder than I’ve ever witnessed it- gun toting, dirty mouthed, maliciously disagreeable and shockingly rude to everyone. Yet now the entire streaming world loves her more than she’s ever been loved before. Here’s why.

The age of the surly elder “officially” began with Maggie Smith’s scene-stealing role as salty, yet elegant Dowager Countess Violet Grantham on the sleeper hit Downton Abbey. Exuding the chilly, haughty demeanor of 19th century old money, the lady had still managed to sharpen her tongue and wit to the point of a sword that slices with such deadly efficacy that you don’t even realize your head is severed until it hits the floor. As Violet’s popularity grew, every show seemed to find a gracefully aging actress to play the role of the “respected aging shrew”. And it worked every time.

There’s something about seeing an older person take a bite out of any and everyone that crosses their path that just makes us laugh. “Granny” as Smith’s character was affectionately called by her granddaughters on the show, routinely “corrected” her immediate family as well as visitors who she callously instructed on their manners (or lack thereof) or repellent dinner conversations. The only people who were spared Granny’s rain of insults were the servants who, of course, Granny didn’t deign to speak to or acknowledge, except for the highest ranking servant- a butler named Carson. Granny’s greatest moments, however, were reserved for her sparring dialogues with her cousin, Isobel, whose constant middle-class attempts to “modernize” Granny were met with unbridled contempt and sarcasm. Smith’s character became so popular that despite her own wishes to “retire” Granny the show’s production team wooed her back for additional seasons of the series and its spin-off (and highly successful) movie.

But Madea preceded Granny’s character by at least a decade. So why then was a 19th century aristocrat immediately beloved by a global audience while Madea, a modern American grandmother, became controversial and reviled, particularly among Black film intelligentsia?

As a long time fan of both characters, I have noticed more similarities than differences between them. Both act as the moral centers of their families. Both deliver unsolicited cringe-worthy social critiques of their children and grandchildren’s friends and spouses. Both regard the modern world as an unnecessarily complicated and generally undesirable place. Both love their quirky families and acknowledge that the differences in families are what make families well, families. Both stick up for their families whenever an outsider tries to harm them.

But this is where Madea goes off the grid. Violet Grantham’s attitude and demeanor fits in with her time and social position (some say she is modeled after Queen Elizabeth’s salty grandmother, Queen Mary). Madea is supposed to be the lovable religious Black grandmother who bakes, loves going to church, and gladly welcomes anyone to her dinner table. But Madea doesn’t do that. She swears. She thinks church is boring and won’t go. She screams at everyone for the slightest infraction; “put the phone on the hook before I shove it…down your throat”, she hisses at a 9 year old in Madea's Family Reunion (I’m actually laughing as I recall that scene!)

Madea’s past as a stripper and sometime prostitute is even more troubling. Are grandmothers supposed to have pasts? Didn’t she just marry Grandpa and then start building their family? But Madea’s not married anymore and never speaks of her deceased husband with any semblance of love or affection. Whenever she hears of relationship trouble in her family- usually from a younger female relative- she often advises violence or some other criminal activity as a legitimate way to “solve” the problem.

She definitely doesn’t fit the Hallmark card version of a grandmother. I, for one, say thank God! The Walton version of a family calming sitting while figuring out a problem never seems to have existed beyond the tv. It’s unrealistic, especially when there are multiple generations living under one roof. In Netflix’s “Hillbilly Elegy” Glenn Close portrayed an extremely dysfunctional and crude grandma who was based on a real person!

Is it better to show older people- especially older women- closer to the reality as life’s toughest survivors than as knitting freaks, bake-sale obsessed bastions of sagacious advice?

I remember a friend telling me years ago, “My grandfather is mean!” But I didn’t understand. I didn’t grow up with my grandparents so I imagined that everyone over 65 was kind and full of hugs and mint candies- well, not according to my friend. Years later, as an adult, someone shared a harrowing tale of their grandmother “jacking up” (i.e. grabbing by the collar) a teenager in their family.

I can tell you that these strange, incongruous images of “mean” grandparents fluttered around unresolved in my mind until I met Madea. Then the puzzle came together. Maybe those older people weren’t mean- they had just outlived their patience and their pensions yet were still saddled with a huge family that, for some reason, believed that they had the answers to life because they had gray hair. Or a coiffed gray wig, in Madea’s case.

Madea will likely always cause trouble as she messes with our expectations and emotions. She has that uncanny ability to somehow know the latest trends yet intentionally flout them in a way that makes you feel pretty stupid for following them. She’ll hug you and then brazenly inform you of your lingering body odor.

Madea’s brand of mothering and grandmothering is brutally hands-on (unlike Violet Grantham’s) but perhaps it’s more modern and meaningful than we realize. Our bodies need salt more than sugar and exercise more than rest so I’ll take the edgy elder over the comatose centenarian any day.